So, all this talk about the recent historic milestone in American history due to the election of the first African-American president got me thinking about expectations we have as parents, and moreover , immigrants.

I have often wondered if the expectations that my parents had of me, as well as those placed on myself had more to do with my family specifically, my generation or the age old dreams of immigrants to the USA. For instance, it was almost a requirement that my sister and I get a college degree and that we maintained very good grades. Of course, along with good academic performance comes the notion that you can “be whatever you want to be” when you grow up. Hence, that’s exactly what I have thought all along.

About a month ago, I was watching the HBO special titled The Black List which chronicles the experiences of successful black people in America. One of the interviewees (I think it was Richard Parsons, former Time Warner CEO) stated that someone once asked him something to the tune of ’At which point did you realize that you could become the head of one of the world’s largest media companies?’ His answer was ‘I never realized I couldn’t.’ 

This has been my sentiment about what I am capable of achieving for as long as I can remember. I was lucky enough to have parents that never focused on any obstacles that were beyond my control (i.e. race, social class, etc.). Accordingly, this will also be the sentiment/expectation that gets passed down to my children.

Did you grow up with similar expectations of life? If so, do you attribute it to the drive that many immigrant families come here with or to the political changes that this country has gone through over the past 40-50 years? If not, are you changing your expectations for your children or do you think that their success can be limited by prejudice, etc.?

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This topic may go beyond culture, but it is nonetheless an issue. I think from culture to culture you will see varying degrees of what is considered appropriate for men and what is appropriate for women. Whatever it may be, I think the notion of gender roles and/or biases begin in the home.

Traditionally, Haitian culture is very much like other patriarchal societies where a woman’s role is to basically take care of everything within the home and the man is the breadwinner. While similar to other cultures where the cost of living has required that both enter the workforce, the household duties still tend to fall on the shoulders of the woman.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I completely rebel against this idea, but I can respect those who choose to observe it. However, I think it’s important for my children to be exposed to situations, especially in the home, where all duties are shared. Unlike race, I think that we still have a long way to go in terms of changing our perception of what boys and girls should and shouldn’t do (i.e. toys). So, I tend to be very vigilant of any inclination that I handle certain chores because I am Mommy.

So, the question of the week is: How are gender roles divided in your culture? Is it very different from American culture? Are you teaching your children these same norms? If not, how do you keep them from being passed down?

N.B. I do not claim to be the authority on all things Haitian, so if you have a different view of gender roles within the culture, feel free to share .

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