The teacher was going over the curriculum and the weekly schedule for assignments. She also gave an overview on each subject, as well as how she was going to evaluate them. Every time she mentioned a schedule, I saw parents’ heads go down to write. That’s when I noticed that the majority of them had notepads. What?! You’re taking notes at a parents orientation…for your 4th grader?!

Of course I had a moment when I thought – should I be taking notes, too and are they judging me because I’m not? But then I remembered – oh yeah, my daughter is the one responsible for her assignments and quizzes – just like I was when I was her age. I mean, if I do this now, when will it stop? When she’s 12? 15? 18? At what point am I supposed to let her take ownership of her work?

I’ve heard about helicopter parenting and how Generation X’ers (which I’m part of) are guilty of it. But that was in the US. I didn’t realize that I would witness this phenomenon in Venezuela. But then I realized, of course I would. Many Latin American parents expect their children to live with them until they get married. And if they don’t get married, they never leave. I know that this has changed a lot in metropolitan areas, but I know quite a few Caraquenos in their 20’s who live at home. They simply don’t see a reason to move out.

I know that there are many factors to this – economy, limited housing, parents in need of financial support, etc. and I also think that you can live with your parents and still exhibit a sense of independence. However, your parents would have to start instilling these values early on…like before the 4th grade.

So, while I can respect Venezuelans’ (as well as many Americans) penchant to be heavily involved in their children’s lives, I’m going to stick to the agreement I have with my daughter; I will trust her to do what’s right/necessary until she proves otherwise. How do you feel about helicopter parenting?

So, I said to her that it’s impolite to say “Quoi?” when you don’t understand something. The polite response is “Pardon?” or “I beg your pardon?” She said okay and started to walk away. Then something clicked and she turned around to ask me “Why is saying ‘quoi’ impolite?” Oddly enough, I didn’t have the slightest clue.

I then told her that although she thinks that I’ve been alive since the beginning of time – the 1980’s according to her – I don’t know why every single rule was invented. I just follow them…which I suggested she do as well if she wanted her life to be a little easier. I’m all for questioning authority, but I guess when it comes to social norms I take them as they come. This may be because I’ve had to a lot of assimilating in my lifetime and going with the flow is facilitates that much more than fighting the establishment.

Have you ever wondered why certain social customs exist? Did you ever find the answer? If so, please share – a curious 8 year-old will be eternally grateful.

Expat couples in general

One thing that I’ve noticed with expat couples is that you can usually tell who has been in the game a while (e.g. career diplomats) and who’s new. The reason this stands out is because the way they interact with each other and others changes based on the number of years abroad. For example, I find the “older” couples when you meet them are oblivious to each other. They know how to greet you properly and ask the right questions, but you rarely see them say a word to one another. The newer couples are more affectionate – you can tell they’re a couple immediately – and they seem to use each for more support when they’re in an uncomfortable setting.

Expatriating is a very difficult thing to do. There are rarely any quick fixes to relationship problems and if there are, moving abroad wouldn’t be on that list. Basically, you both are going to be stressed out and transitioning in your own ways. In the case of most diplomats, there is the diplomat and the trailing spouse. The diplomat will face challenges with cultural assimilation, etc., but usually finds a built-in support system at work. The trailing spouse (that’s me ) can sometimes feel lonely while adjusting to all the changes and can easily start resenting making the “sacrifice” to be with his/her partner.

False expectations

I remember when I first announced we were moving abroad and people kept asking “Does this mean your going to have help?” Anyone who has lived abroad and hired a maid, nanny, gardener or whatever will tell you it’s overrated. You think that this will give SO much more family/couple time, while in the end it can actually lead to you disconnect more. Here’s how:

1) Eating meals prepared by someone else –> eliminates potential time you could have spent together cooking, or like in my house the time my husband would keep me company while I was cooking and we could chit chat

2) Household chores handled by someone else –> eliminates the communicating that would occur to decide who does what, which supplies are needed and all that jazz.

3) Kids’ activities are taken care of by someone else – > this one is obvious, but yes, you will probably end up spending less time together as a whole family and individually with the children.

Overall, you need to be more vigilant about time spent together when daily responsibilities have changed…your relationships will thank you for it

My situation

Now for my husband and I, we were off balance when I arrived because he was already 3 months into his transition/assimilation. When something was extremely frustrating for me, he had already gotten used to it. This wasn’t our first move abroad, so I skipped all the feelings of resentment, abandonment, etc. – I knew that we both made the decision to move and there were going to be difficult moments (sounds easier than it actually is).

After almost a year here, I’ve realized that we are much kinder to each other. I think we’ve learned to appreciate each other’s struggles and at the end of the day (literally), we want to enjoy our time together. We make more of an effort to do activities together – just the two of us – and that alone has improved the way we communicate. Although it wasn’t our first rodeo (yes, I watched Dr. Phil), we of course had rough patches that were a little easier to get through because of past experiences.

Whew! This is probably one of the longest posts I’ve written in the history of this blog. Who knew I had so much to say about relationships . Fellow expats, feel free to chime in if I left something out. Any questions?

The way I see it is that these types of laws are audacious. If government is now intervening to ensure that immigrant women have more of even playing field, it should first make sure that French citizens are leading by example, right? Well, the 2010 Gender Gap study published by the World Economic Forum shows that France has gone from 18th to 46th place, mostly because of the lack of women in high-ranking government positions. So, I think the Sarkozy administration should start promoting gender equality in-house before trying to fix other communities. What’s also tricky about this type of legislation is it can be a slippery slope. Will it stop at the burqa, or will it continue into other aspects of the Muslim religion? Moreover, will the government also look to expand into non-Muslim religions?

What I also find interesting is that while this law has overwhelming support by the French public, a Pew poll found that 2 out of 3 Americans are against it. I think that’s a reflection of Americans’ aversion to letting government dictate too much of their personal lives. Even with all the anti-Muslim rhetoric that’s getting a lot of media time these days, Americans have their limits when it comes to government involvement.

While I can understand where my friend is coming from, until there is more consistency and clarity in France’s decisions regarding religious freedoms, I can’t get behind this. What are your thoughts on the burqa ban?

4 or more – I’m a global citizen.  38%

1 – I’m a simple person.  23%

3 – It’s a long story.  23%

2 – I had two parents didn’t I?  15%

So, I guess it’s no surprise that the majority of readers identify with four or more cultures. What am I saying – that’s crazy!!! I thought I had a hard time managing 3…I can’t imagine what it would be like to add a fourth to the mix. For those of you who chose this, I would LOVE to hear more about your experiences and any advice you have on staying sane

I did have a better response with this poll, so it’s definitely something I’ll be doing more of in the future.

Happy weekend!!!