When I wrote about the important things that my mother taught me, I was trying to highlight the positive aspects of the Haitian culture. Pretty easy, even though there are lots of cultural habits that bother me. However, when it came down to it I had a hard time coming up with 5 on the other side so, I settled for the following 4:

1) It’s okay to unload your burden. In the Haitian culture, you don’t talk about certain problems; especially those that can potentially reflect poorly on the family. Someone gets arrested, you act like it didn’t happen. Someone gets kicked out of school, you find some story to explain what happened. I understand that thisncones from living in tight-knit communities, but even then it’s not a healthy way to deal with problems. When you’re stressed you need the support of others who genuinely care for you. If you can’t share with anyone you know, then seek professional help (another huge taboo).

2) Question authority. Okay, historically speaking Haitians have a valid reason for taking issue with authority. But somehow, once they immigrate to foreign countries, they become hesistant to do so. Whatever the “law” says goes. Hence, they rarely get involved in community activism and are often afraid to speak out when they see something wrong happening. Immigrants are so easily abused because of their legal status and that fear doesn’t necessarily go away once your status does. I think there are ways that we as a community can start teaching our children, and others around us that it’s not only OK to denounce crimes, it’s our duty.

3) Be curious/creative. A lot of kids from my generation grew up thinking the only way to make your parents proud was to become a doctor, lawyer or an engineer. Creative professions were never considered. I think many people find out what it is that makes them happy by being curious – or wondering what it would be like to [fill in the blank]. I’m encouraging my kids to think about every profession, thoroughly, which is something many young Americans have been forced to do during the Great Recession.

4) Hold other to the same standards you hold yourself. When I took my trip to Boston last week, there were certain people *ahem* family members, who thought that it was irresponsible to leave my children behind. Reason being: I’m the mother and fathers can never be trusted to take care of children. WTF?! Well, I don’t buy this and even though I missed them like crazy, I think the time apart was good for us. How else will the appreciate all the crap I do  This one is more of a gender equality change, but I think it boils down to this, if I expect someone to be able to cook, clean, raise kids, etc., I should be able to do it, too. As with any skill, one of us may be better at it, but that doesn’t give you a permanent get out of jail free card.

Are any of these traits existent in your culture/family? Do you think they should change?

You can’t go home again – Thomas Wolfe

I wrote a while ago about what home meant to me. It definitely is not simply a physical structure where you sleep – it’s more like a place where everything feels right.

In recent months, I’ve been involved in several discussions about the role of the diaspora in Haiti’s reconstruction. Sometime while I was a teenager, I started feeling that Haiti was my home. I moved back there less than a week after graduating college and declared the whole country would have to catch on fire to make me leave. Much sooner than I would’ve expected, I realized that while I was more than content living there, I wanted my kids to have more (a little bit of history repeating itself).

Since then, we’ve lived in three different places and I’ve still kept that feeling that all my paths will lead me back to Haiti. The problem is, I’m not sure if I will be greeted with a welcome mat or a “come back soon” sign. I know I’m not the only one in this predicament. I’ve likened the situation of many Haitian-American diaspora to a cultural purgatory where you are always considered foreign in other countries, but Haitians in Haiti feel you’ve changed too much to still be one of them.

I used to read this sentence and thought it meant that once you leave home, you change so much that you are never able to go back and feel at home there. Time (and my experience with Haiti) has taught me that you are changed by leaving, but that can also mean that you have discovered a deeper appreciation for what you left behind. It can also mean that you can’t think of anywhere better to continue learning and improving than where everything feels right in the first place.

My situation makes me wonder where home will be for my kids. In my wildest dreams, they would feel at home in both Haiti and US. They wouldn’t be forced to identify with one or the other and ethnic labels are deemed unnecessary. What’s also great about this dream is that my home will also be their home which would mean out cultural heritage could never be lost or assimilated out of future generations’ lives.

I hope to get out of this purgatory one day. When I do, I know that it will mean that my road back home has been unblocked and there’s a huge “Welcome home” sign waiting for me at the end of it.